VIRTUAL VISITS
avfvA search on the Net for 'virtual' cemetery' will yield you online cemeteries from famous ones to pet cemeteries. They are handy research tools. However, they do little good when you're stuck indoors or cannot get to your site. Or when additional work has been done to the site such as adding stone work, or engraving, or a delivery of flowers you ordered. There are solutions.
Many cemeteries, some funeral directors, a few monument builders and many flower shops post records online for public viewing. Most are secured sights and you cannot access them unless you have a password or you access the information directly at the administration office. The Veteran Cemeteries have a handy machine in their entry way where you can type in a name and not only get a list of everyone interred under that name but a map also. There is talk in the industry to link up all records thus allowing anyone from anywhere access to information regarding deeded graves, regulations, geography, and more info than I can state here. There are some hitches to overcome, but expect such services soon.
When I deliver flowers to a grave I send along a photo of my work to the customer. I then post that image as a permanent record at my florist's website. This serves to notify the customer that the job is done, but also to allow the customer to view the condition of the site and to take a moment of mediation and reflection he or she might not had an opportunity for. As I will mention in Part II, the monument's purpose is 3 fold. One purpose is to refresh the memory of a love one. Virtual visits perform this function very well.
A Word about Shrines
As the face of America changes we see Drive Safely signs adorned with teddy bears, flowers and artifacts. We visit the homes of friends who migrated from the Caribbean and elsewhere to discover altars with framed photographs and candles. These are shrines which commemorate more the death event than the memory of a life. It is an ancient ritual wherein people bring to a place of recollection of death the objects which still hold thoughts of life and the living. In short, it is a ritual to reward and remember Death in order to face its fear head-on and overcome that emotion. When decorating a shrine, seek out items which you shared with the deceased. These would not be gifts, rather they should be objects handled by the two of you during his or her lifetime. By doing so you share in the death event in a virtual and token - and damage free - manner.
A Word about Candles
Candles, especially vigil candles are wildly popular. Many models are made with solar or battery powered lights, and I recommend these. If you employ fire take precautions so that the flame does not touch the parts which can burn; most vigil candles are made of plastic. If using a stand-alone candle, be sure melted wax will not mar the surface of the marker or vases and decorations at the site.