APPENDIX C
Many bemoan the lost art of carving fanciful and endearing epitaphs as found on Victorian and older tomb stones from quaint cemeteries dotting our countryside. It appears that both monument builder and our family in mourning have lost touch with humanity and our down-home ways. When, in reality, the nature of memorialization had undergone a change due to several factors. These changes are cultural and occur all the time. Whereas many say the epitaphs of today pay no testament to the life or death of the buried, a peek at the epitaphs these folks point out for us are quaint and curious but not of our age. Especially the epitaphs from older American cemeteries which are froth with the struggles against nature, Indians, England and each other, is stuff best left to legal documents, books and movies. One does not need to visit the grave of a lost one and have to listen to a message of doom and disaster; or cowboys and Indians. The fact that changes happen is self evident proof that no one cared much for the old way of doing it. These artifacts are immensely important, yes; but the style was a short-lived expression and serves my generation not at all.
Then there are economic forces. What had occurred happened in New England during the late 19th century, and just where one would expect it to hatch – in Vermont, the granite capitol of the world. The new wave of Capitalism as technocracy, that still has this country in its grip, forced monument builders to create tomb stones of greater durability, size and finer design works. The early term of ‘tablature’ soon morphed into ‘monolith’ and ‘die’ reflecting the newer styles and purposes. Suddenly two attitudes sprang up, both caused by the lust for bucks: A Victorian notion that wealth expressed in stone reflected honest sorrow for the departed. And, the new style of memorialization sought money as its reward, thus prices have inflated ever since. Two fallacies reside here: the concept that we feel sorry for the departed and that memorialization requires financial investment. These concept live with us presently. They are slowly falling away to a return to traditional values. We do not feel sorrow for the departed, we mourn and hold vigil for them, then we remember their lives and times. How can anyone feel sorry for one who hopefully is with God in heaven? We may feel sorrow for our own loss, however, no one else will share your sorrow if you erect a 4 story monument in the honor of the departed. Because of such factors – economics and estranged views – cemetery property grew in value. The most expensive real estate in America today is cemetery property. Graves are stacked three high and any survey map will show there is no space at all between graves. With the 20th century introduction of public mausoleums, now we can stack 20 high above ground. Thus we loss space for the extended endearment, and epitaphs seem out of place. Out of place because of the 20th century notion of the bottom line. The cemetery is just an expensive dump, that’s the epitaph, the testament, the message. Over the last 150 years the monument builder had to incorporate into his carvings what would had otherwise been said in text. Successful to a point, the builder has been stymied by religious and secular cemeteries which openly defile human thoughts and feelings. What began as a movement toward big and beautiful ended as censored, sized and as sterilized as a crisp, new dollar bill.
As we adjust to this enormous change in the death care industry, things will get better and a more human face will reappear. Meaningful epitaphs and endearments are already making a come back. Expect valued, intelligent sayings to begin to appear – not the stuff better left to quaint books. Several of the following epitaphs would be prohibited in most modern cemeteries for two reasons: 1) Surface area on the marker limits the amount of expression, and 2) Due to legal ramifications, insurance companies who govern much of what happens around a cemetery will strike down any application that may cause a court battle. This last reason is slowly changing as cemeteries and insurance companies find ways to place all the blame on the deed holder. Sighting that the deed holder has the last say – except if the holder wants an out-right offensive text or design – drops all legal ramifications away from the cemetery and its agencies. It is then up to the deed holder to contend with angry relatives on his or her own.
Invest In Banks, And Your Life * The Lord Spoke, And She Was Gently Taken From Us * Here Lies No One * The Pot Was Full, And Still Is * Forever In Our Hearts * Finished Here * PEACE * Three People here, And Not There * Dream Often *
Step Lively As Wonderful * Not For Wrath * Returned – Unopened *
My loving friend as you pass by, On my cold grave pray cast an eye, Your sun like mine may set at noon, Your soul be called for very soon, In this dark place you'll quickly be, Prepare for death and follow me * William Shakespeare’s epitaph: "Good friend for Jesus' sake forbear,
To dig the dust enclosed heare! Blest be the man that spares thes stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones" * Here lies a miser who lived for himself, who cared for nothing but gathering wealth. Now where he is and how he fares; nobody knows and nobody cares * Wrestle Not With This * Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord. * Til Christ this body shall renew, Then both with joy shall meet again * Death is a debt to nature due, Which I've paid and so must you. * The die is cast, my hope, my fear. My pain, my joy lies buried here, And reader you before long must try, this dreaded change as well as I; Nor can a kinder ghost reveal what I have felt, and you must feel. * Among The Angels * Beloved until life could charm no more. And loved until God shall thee restore. * Little children come here and learn, that death may cut you down while young. * This Is All There Is & Kings May Have No More * Exchange A Life Of Great Distress For One Of Endless Happiness
Endearments are personal epitaphs.
They seldom address the issue of mortality. Instead an endearment reminds the visitor about feelings and memories, once personally shared, concerning the departed. Here are a few actual endearments.
Those who cared for him while living will know who is buried here. To others it does not matter. From Hartford, Conn, 1882
In Death Valley, CA: Here lies the body of poor Aunt Charlotte Born a virgin, died a harlot. For sixteen years she kept her virginity A damn'd long time in this vicinity
From a cemetery in Winchendon, MA, on Stephen F. Fasset, who died in 1856: I began the preserving of cow's milk with white sugar for the use of steamers crossing the Atlantic Ocean.
Moultrie, GA,: Here lies the father of twenty-nine. He would have had more but he didn't have time
Burlington, Ma: Here lies the body of Susan Lowder, Who burst while drinking Deidlitz Powder | Called from the world to heavenly rest | She should have waited till it effervesced
Edinburgh, Scotland: Stranger, tread this ground with gravity | Dentist Brown is filling his last cavity
Saint James Cemetery, Toronto,Canada :When I am dead and in my grave, and all my bones are rotten. While reading this you'll think of me when I am long forgotten!
Why should he make so short a stay | To steal our hearts & run away?
St. Charles Cemetery, Long Island, N.Y. but now common: The Wind Beneath My Wing.
Recommended Reading:
The Gospel According To St. Mark
Epitaphs To Remember by Janet Greene, Alan C. Hood & Company, Inc, 1962
The Elements of Christian Symbolism, John Baldcock, Element, 1955
Stories in Stone:-- by Douglas Keister,
Gibbs Smith, 2004
Apologies and Acknowledgments
Mrs. Rivky Kaplan of AskMoses.com for her tips about Hebrew visiting rites.
All the monuments you see reproduced in renderings are actual monuments originally designed by myself or contributors to my online archive. However, names have been changed for the obvious reasons. Thus if you can read Hebrew, do not expect the Hebrew to match the English text.
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